


Every Beginning is an End

by rogueofpandas



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Albino Dave, Death by Car, Death by burning, Gun Fire, Gun Wound, Hospitals, M/M, Mexican Karkat, Mugging, Robbery, Stabbing, Time Travel, collage AU, hit and run, knife, physical altercation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 00:08:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5269163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rogueofpandas/pseuds/rogueofpandas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat dies a few times</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Greif

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who hates themselves? This girl! Haha, yeah I've had this idea in my head for a while now and only just now got the chance to write down the outline and get the first chapter up. It's pretty vague right now for a reason, as Dave goes through the week time after time he'll start to notice little repeated things, similar dialogs, same actions. So as of right now nothing is out of the ordinary for him to focus on, but as it goes on he will focus on more and more small things. Also the chapters will get really long towards the end!

Mornings were never a fun thing to Karkat, always filled with stumbling around and grogginess. His impatient alarm wasn't helping his morning pre-coffee headache, slamming down on the button in frustration. When he finally managed to stumble into the main area of the small dorm he lived in he was delighted by the sight of a fresh warm mug being held out to him. The smell was delightful, barely saying as much as a “thank you” or “good morning” to the pale hand he snatched it from.

But Dave only chuckled, far to use to Karkat's habits to expect anything from him for the next thirty minutes. They both went on and took showers and dressed for the day, not looking forward to their Monday morning classes. However they managed, walking out of the warm lobby and into the cool fall air. As soon as the rush of cold air hit him, Karkat hunched over in a coughing fit, brushing off a helping hand from the taller boy, mumbling about 'fucking season changes' and 'allergies'. They trudged on, parting ways as they reached the arts building, Dave turning and waving back at Karkat who reluctantly continued through the chill to his own class.

Their day goes as expected, as it always does every Monday. Hanging out with friends between classes, joking and laughing. At one point John showed up with a backpack full of water balloons, scattering everyone from the lunch table they shared. Dave and Karkat both meet up for dinner, going to the small burger joint down the street they go to every Monday night. It was quite and peaceful, the booth was slightly too stiff and the food a little too greasy, but it was habit and they loved it. “You never did tell me about when John ruined Jade’s stupid essay,” Karkat spoke behind a mouthful of fries.

“Oh my god, that was hilarious. She was so furious that he soaked her biology paper so she chased him around the lunch field for a good ten minutes.” They both gave a light laugh. “He got tired and tried to surrender but Jade was on him like a hawk, and John, that poor mouse, had no chance.” Karkat laughed and Dave took a bite of his burger.

“I bet she'll show up with her super-soaker tomorrow and destroy hi-” Karkat predicted, but was cut off by the doorbell clanging violently. They both jumped, the noise so sudden in the calm atmosphere of the almost empty restaurant startled them both. But not as much as the person walking in did, wearing a mask and holding a gun at the register. “Holy shit!” Karkat whispered, blood turning to ice and a scared look shared between them.

Dave swallowed, watching as the robber was unsatisfied by the amount of money, turning on his heel to another small group of people in the tiny joint. He pointed his gun at them, yelling about wallets and cash. They all scrambled from their seats, pulling out phones, jewelry, and wallets to try and keep the man at bay. He seemed pleased, but now he turned his attention to the last two: Dave and Karkat.

They both stood at his command, Dave grasping Karkat's hand before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet, tossing it to the masked man. “Well? Where's yours?” He demanded angrily at Karkat. He only held up his hands, “I forgot mine at my dorm, He-” He motioned to Dave, they shared a frightened look in the moment, “- spotted for me.” The man apparently wasn't satisfied with that answer, taking a step forward. “He's telling the truth, you have what you want, no one needs to get hurt here. Just lower your gun and leave.” Dave pleaded, begging for the man to not shoot.

He only chuckled, a deep sound that rattled their bones, and pulled the trigger. Karkat screamed, clutching his lower abdomen and falling to his knees, Dave right there helping him land easier. “No no _no no_ , c'mon Karkat, you're okay just breath.” Dave pleaded, panic flooding him and kicking his instincts into overdrive. He struggled off his hoodie, ripping off the sleeves and bundling up one to press against the wound, the other to tie it into place.

“Quick, someone call 911, please!” Dave looked around, his hands getting too wet too fast, even when he was applying to apply pressure to the gun wound. No one reached for their pockets, the register worker frozen in place. The gunman was nowhere to be found. “Call 911! _Please_!” He begged again, the teller finally snapping out of his trance and reaching for the phone. Karkat coughed, wet and painful sounding, his breathing was becoming rasps and there was so much blood on the floor and Dave.

“Karkat look at me, please, you're going to get through this don't worry. You'll be okay, okay?” Dave pleaded, searching the others wide and shocked eyes for anything other than pain and fear. He watched as Karkat picked up a bloody hand, reaching and pulling off the blonde’s glasses. They dropped into the puddle growing around them, the sticky coppery fingers gripping his cheek desperately.

Dave couldn't help it, the tears came at their own accord, falling down his face and chin. He grasp the hand in his own, pressing it further into his face as confirmation that he was still alive, no matter how much his tears streaked the blood all over his face. “Karkat, i’m here, i’m right here, i’m not going anywhere and neither are you. You'll be okay, I promise.” The only response was a wet sounding cough from the other, his entire body shaking and pushing out even more blood from the wound he was so desperately trying to keep closed.

“Dave..” Karkat croaked, his fingers flexing against his cheek. “Shh, it's okay, it's fine.” Dave tried to interject, but Karkat spoke over him. “No, Dave, listen.” He wheezes again, slow in and out, every second seeming like an hour to the pale boy. “I love you.” The words were a shock to the other, hurting his very core and speeding up the tears now blurring his vision. “I love you too Karkat, but you need to save your strength, okay? I love you too, god, I love you so much. You'll be okay, don't worry.” Dave could barely speak, his sobs racking his entire being and fear consuming him whole.

The hand in his slowly relaxed, Karkat's breathing slowly regulated, until it stopped completely. Dave gripped the hand with a renewed vigor, not caring that he was screaming at a dead corps to open its eyes in front of an entire group of people, rocking himself between his cries and screams. Not caring that it was a lost cause, that he was sitting in a literal pool of his best friends blood. He only cared about Karkat, and getting the dead body beneath him to open it's eyes.

End of Day One.


	2. Denial

“Are you okay? You seem off this morning..” Karkat asked, eyes searching the taller boys face. Dave only sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “I had a really weird dream last night.” Karkat seemed to understand, knowing the other had nightmares occasionally. The shorter boy trudged on, Dave interning the art building and waving back at Karkat, who reluctantly continued through the chill to his own class.

Their day goes as expected, as it always does every Monday. It was almost nerve racking how he had already heard every conversation at the lunch table, and knew exactly when to jump out of the way of John's water balloon covert attack. Watching Jade hunt him down in the field, everyone around him cheering her on, he realized that he had seen this all before. In that really weird dream.

When he got home and Karkat mentioned going to the burger place they go to every Monday, Karkat could only internally panic. “Could we eat in today? After John's stunt ruining our lunch I had to get a burger.” Karkat only nodded knowingly, and they ordered some Chinese. “You never did tell me about when John ruined Jade’s stupid essay,” Karkat spoke behind a mouthful of sweet and sour pork. Dave flinched at the exact wording, how the tone was the same, everything except the place and food.

“It was pretty funny, Jade chased him around that field for a while before he got tired and gave up.” He forced some amount of humor into his voice, no matter how shaken up inside he was. But the shorter boy knew him too well, noticing how short his answer was. But he only brushed it off.

End of Day One, Again.

* * *

 

Mornings were never a fun thing to Dave, filled with rushing around and negative anticipation of the day. But today he was glad when he woke up on a bright Tuesday morning, no crazy nightmares. He gets up and starts his daily routine of eating cereal in his underwear and making sure Karkat gets his coffee before he goes on a murder spree.

Neither of them had classes today, meaning it was usually a lazy day if they had no errands to run. And as usual Karkat settled himself on the small couch with a stack of movies, bundled up in a blanket. He smashed “play” on the remote and sipped from his third mug of coffee before throwing a raised eyebrow a Dave as it to ask 'well are you joining me or not?'

The blonde couldn’t say no the the unasked question, so he shuffled over, almost tripping on his too long sweatpants, but playing it off easily. He sat on the other side of the small couch causing Karkat to shuffle around again until he was propped up against the taller boy as if he was a pillow. His reasoning was always that they could share the covers despite how many times Dave told him he didn't mind the raven haired boy hogging it.

After 5 movies Dave couldn’t take any more cliché love scenes and staged fights. “If you're going to sit there and sigh loudly for the entirety of this movie I will not hesitate to rip that esophagus from your throat and strangle you with it.” Karkat snapped, turning up the volume to cover up the taller boys answer of another dramatically loud sigh.

After a few more minutes Karkat finally gave up, throwing up his hands and standing roughly, all the blankets tumbling to the floor. “How about we go for a walk?” He said angrily, already storming to his room to change. Dave could only chuckle, standing and going to change himself.

They headed outside, glad to find it was slightly warmer than the day before. They walked in a comfortable silence to the park, admiring the colors of the falling leaves and the other people out playing in the fields. “Hey, can we sit down for a moment?” Karkat asked, reaching a hand to press against his chest. “Yeah sure.” Dave was a little worried, but found a bench relatively close and sat down.

“You okay?” He asked, eyes searching the crowd of children playing and dogs running around. “Yeah I just... get weak really fast lately. It's starting to get on my nerves.” Karkat replied, rubbing small circles into his chest. They sat for a few minutes, enjoying the small breeze shaking the colors off the trees. "Are you sure you're okay? You've been coughing a lot lately... maybe you need to go to a doctor." But Dave knew the answer before the question even left his mouth. "I hate doctors and you know it." Karkat shoots back. "I'm just worried about you." The blonde sighed quietly. “Okay, I’m good.” The smaller boy went to stand, and they continued to walk.

Seeing how Karkat was acting and yesterday's weird nightmare and strange deja vu, Dave decided it would be best to head home for now. A friendly dog jogged up, a frisbee hanging from it's mouth resulting in Karkat quietly gushing and leaning down to pet it. The shorter boy tossed the toy for the large dog, watching it bound off after it, before continuing walking again. The golden dog showed up a few more times, running around and nudging either of them to throw the red disk before returning minutes later.

The taller boy lead them to the exit, waiting at the crosswalk for a few cars to go by. It happened in a flash: the dog running out and Karkat right at it's heels, calling out for the innocent animal to return to the safety of the sidewalk. The car tried to stop, the sound of it's brakes squealing before the thud of it impacting a body. Dave stood frozen in place, not processing the fact that the dog trotted back, sniffing the form lying lifeless on the ground.

It took a moment to settle in Dave's mind, really register that this is happening. Again. He watched the car back up and speed around the body, only getting a glimpse of the driver. That's when it clicked, that Karkat was the one on the ground slowly bleeding to an an agonizing death. He also realized that he needed comfort and medical help, not for Dave to be spaced out in dissociation lala land. So, he sprang into action, kneeling by Karkat's body where it lay on his side, putting his ear up to the other's chest to hear a heartbeat or even a ragged breath.

The blonde moved the bleeding boy onto his back and placed his hands over the ripped chest, starting to press down rhythmically in an effort to perform CPR. Something in the back of his mind knew that it was pointless, that Karkat would somehow die. How could this happen two times in a row? Had his dream meant something? Was it even a dream?

He bent down and listened again, only to find no heartbeat. He was covered in less blood than last time, but the emotion frozen on the smaller boy's blood streaked face was of pure pain. Agony. He died alone, trying to save an innocent animal from a death just the same. Dave had no time to feel, to process this information without anything but discern. This can't be real, right? The last one wasn't.

Yet, the way Karkat felt in his hands, the warmth slowly leaving his face, the smell of blood, it all felt so real. The slight breeze in the air, that _fucking dog_ that kept trotting back and forth nearby as if it could do anything to help. Even last time felt real. What if it was real? What if he was in some kind of time anomaly? All he knew was that he was going to close his eyes, right here hand in hand with the corpse of his best friend in the middle of a road where he was just hit, and he was going to breath. And he was going to wait. For what he didn't know. Maybe death himself? Maybe to wake back up in the morning like last time? "I love you" He breaths out, desperate that other can hear him.

End of Day Two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do appreciate comments! They give me a drive to write faster.


	3. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HahaHahaHahhahahahah

  
Dave made it home and was greeted by Karkat's prompt of dinner. “Not tonight, okay? Can we just eat in this once?” He asked, voice a little too harsh at the repetition of the situation. Monday again for the third time. Karkat looked a little taken aback, “Okay who stuck a ten foot pole right up your-”

“Karkat listen-” Dave tried to interject but was cut off.

“I'm going out to eat, if you want to come your welcome to.” Karkat walked to the door, snatching it open and stalking down the hall. Well, Dave thought, be careful of what you wish for.

He was tense the entire time, even going to the lengths of making Karkat pay with his wallet. He sat facing the door, glancing up to check the time often. Karkat also looked tense but in his own angry way.

The violent chime of the doorbell was familiar to him, scarred into his memory forever. “Holy shit,” Karkat whispered, swiveling around to stare at Dave's calm and neutral expression. “Do you still have my wallet?” He whispered, the shorted boy had confusion written on his face as he nodded. “Good, keep it but hand me a few dollars and one of my cards.”

Karkat did as he was told, handing the bills and plastic over from under the table. He flinched when the man turned to a group sitting on the other side of the restaurant from them, demanding everything in their pockets. The robber seemed pleased, now attention turned to the last two. Dave and Karkat.

They both stood at his command, Dave grasping Karkat's hand before they both pulled out their pocket contents as well, tossing them to the man. He nodded at Dave, making the blonde's blood turn to ice, before slowly backing out of the burger place, gun still raised. The shorter boy was in his arms the second the robber was gone, breathing shakily into his chest and arms around him like vices. “Holy shit that was scary,” Came a muffled comment, Dave agreeing and returning the hug contently. Crisis averted.

End of Day One. Again.

* * *

 

  
Neither of them had classes today, meaning it was usually a lazy day if they had no errands to run. But it surprised the blonde when Karkat waddled up to him, wrapped in a blanket, and gripped the sleeve of his hoodie. The short boy lightly pulled him over to the couch and sat him down before getting comfy at his side. Dave was silently glad at the others sudden clinginess, resting an arm over his shoulder. He didn't even mind the stupid movies Karkat loved to watch, just enjoying the closeness of him being cuddled up under his arm and head resting on his chest. In-between movies the short boy stood to change disks, back to him as he fiddled with their crappy DVD layer. “Thanks.” He said from where he was knelt before the TV.

The gratitude confused Dave for a moment, “For what?” Karkat glanced at him from over his shoulder, “The restaurant. It was like you knew exactly what would happen.” He turned back around, pressing play and mute so they could talk through the previews. “You didn't want to go out, and you made me pay so I would have your wallet. I just wanted to say thanks, I don't know what would happened if you hadn't done all that.” But Dave knew, and that knowledge was eating him alive.

He only nodded and opened his arms, prompting Karkat to sit back down beside him. He did, but didn't turn his attention to the movie just yet. “Okay so, I know this is going to sound like some white knight syndrome or whatever. But I've been meaning to tell you this for a while.” Dave 's mind flashed to the shooting, where Karkat lie on the dirty ground bleeding out. When he spent his dying moments telling Dave that he loved him.

“I'm just going to say it, Dave I really lik-” But he cut the other boy off, “I like you more.” Karkat let out a breathy laugh, reaching up and slide off the others shades slowly, other hand sliding in his so their fingers intertwined. It reminded him of the smell of copper, of Karkat choking on his own blood.

But now he was here. He was okay. He was alive and loved and it would be okay. Dave couldn't help the giddy smile that found it's way onto his face, watching the other mirror him happily. They returned to watching the movies, only breaking for a ramen lunch break and dinner box macaroni and cheese. After lunch they made a little time for some action films, much to the blonde's approval.

“So you want to go to bed after this one?” Karkat asked as the ending scene played on the screen. “What time is it?”

“Nine thirty,”

“Yeah let's go to bed after this one. You have a class in the morning right?” Karkat nodded and stood, stretching and popping his back.

End of Day two. Again.

* * *

 

  
Mornings were never a fun thing to Dave , filled with rushing around and negative anticipation of the day. But he woke up slow this morning, glancing around and finding his room void of a certain short angry person. He stood and got ready for the day, finding that Karkat had let him sleep in.

He had a few classes he attended in the afternoon, happy to have a new day with unexpected things to look forward to. As long as one of those things is not death. When he got a text from Karkat, reminding him of their plans to eat out at a new fancy restaurant down town.

They meet up at a semi-nice place, not too expensive but not fast food either. The conversation was light and fun, tossing jokes back and forth easily. The waitress who sat them down may have thrown then an odd look or two, but they ignored it in favor of enjoying each others company. "So, i was planning on asking you out here tonight, instead of yesterday." Karkat spoke during a lull in the conversation. Dave raised an eyebrow but before he could comment Karkat steamrolled on. "It was just, after the burger place thing... I felt like i was wasting my time yaknow? The thought of dying before i could tell you, it haunted me all that night."

Dave swallowed hard at the irony, the smell of blood and the sound of Karkat choking filled his ears. But he shook it off and smiled at the man across from him, a blush on his tan cheeks and head bowed watching his hands writhe in his lap. Karkat and him walked home together hand in hand, a nice comfortable silence in the chilled night. They rounded a corner when someone coming the other way stopped in front of them, blocking the path. Karkat seemed agitated, moving to walk around them but was held back by Dave, who's feet refused to move. The streetlight being behind the person made it hard to see, but Dave knew that mask.

He robbed the restaurant, Dave knew it. He watched the man pull out a knife, immediately putting himself in between Karkat and the man. “What the fuck do you want, you already took our money.” Dave spat at him, ignoring Karkat's sound of protest behind him. He had Karkat with him, and he wasn't risking anything, so he pulled out his wallet, his new one he just got after the restaurant, and handed it over. Good thing his new cards hadn't come in yet.

The man opened it right there, and saw the few small bills inside. “What the fuck is this!? I want more than this, what else do you have?” He looks to Karkat, who's hand was a vice on Dave's sleeve. “You. Give me that watch.”

He felt the other's hand move, the sound of the watch his father gave him unlatch and his hand reached out. “Come here.” Dave tensed, “Why?” The man held his knife back up at him when he spoke his question, “I know your kind, I'm not getting too close.”

This wasn't the same guy, Dave could tell now. His voice was too high, too nervous. Maybe they were working together? Maybe there was a sell on those masks? He watched Karkat step out from behind him and extend his arm, hold out the watch he loved so much. The man grabbed a hold of it, trying to take it out of Karkat's hands but for some reason he didn't let go.

“W-what? Let go!” But it was deaf to Karkat's ears, instead snatching the watch back and swinging to punch the man in the face. It happened too quick for Dave to react, to jump in and defend Karkat. He swung and missed, the mystery man taking that opportunity to stab him in the chest.

He seemed to realize what he did, see the absolute level of fury on Dave 's face. Dave knew what happened next, but he had to choose in that split second on either comforting Karkat until his death or beat this person just because he could.

He choose the person, anger filling his veins and flooding his mind before he could even process the choice. He helped Karkat fall a little easier, propping him against a shop wall before turning on his heel to the mugger. Their entire posture had changed, they looked downright frightened at this point. Dave lunged at them, easily catching the hand widely swinging out at him and bending it, hearing their shoulder pop out of place and the loud scream of pain. The pleasure he got from it sickened him, running hot in his veins.

He jumped back, hands up in a fighting stance waiting for the other to retaliate somehow. But all the other did was clutch the injured shoulder, breathing heavy. Dave threw a punch, hitting him square in the jaw and knocking him off balance, taking the chance to swipe his feet out from underneath them. The man landed hard, Dave settling himself heavily on their chest, ripped the mask off and swung punch after punch. He lost himself after a few swings, letting the misery and frustration overcome him knowing at one point the person passed out, but he really didn't care. He just kept swinging, even when his knuckles hurt and he watched tears drip from his chin onto the mutilated face beneath him. At least this way he didn't have yet another memory of Karkat dying a slow and painful death, at least this way he vented somehow. Maybe he could do better in the next one. He swung again, a choked sob finally ripping itself from his chest.

End of Day Three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? Pls?


	4. Bargaining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so it's been FOREVER (two months!!) since i updated and i wanted to make sure this one was extra special and LONG. Please notice the tag changes!

Tuesday

The blonde smiled to himself, glad to have a nice calm day to spend with the other. He sat on the other side of the small couch causing Karkat to shuffle around again until he was propped up against the taller boy as if he was a pillow. His reasoning was always that they could share the covers despite how many times Dave told him he didn't mind the raven haired boy hogging it. He almost forgot that this Karkat didn't know of all the love confessions, didn't know that Dave liked him back.

They were half way through the twentyish movie, Dave lightly dozing in the not-so-awake-but-not-yet-asleep stage. A scream (presumably a fight between the main female role and her male lover) woke him from the light sleep, forcing him to lift his head and glance around. His eyes landed on the smaller boy, curled up at his side, eyes wide and watering at the hurtful yet staged insults being thrown between the two people on the screen.

An idea suddenly formed in his head while watching the other's reaction, shifting himself knowing Karkat was to invested in the movie to react at the time. He was suddenly thankful for the daily stretches he does, blessing his flexibility and he put his back to the arm rest and drawing a leg up to slip between himself and Karkat.

Vantas' only reaction was to lean away slightly, giving the other even more room to emulate his plan. He slipped the leg against the back cushions of the couch, reaching out and drawing in the still entranced boy to his chest, letting his back lean on the armrest.

He sat for a few minutes, enjoying the way Karkat snuggled into his chest and how he could rest his chin on the others head. He seemed to doze off again, only realizing when he felt the other shift carefully, movements hesitant in order not to disturb him. He mumbled incoherent even to himself as he stirred, leaning back and glancing down the the small form in his arms.

Karkat had a noticeable blush on his tan face, eyes locked onto the screen even as his head turned toward the other subconsciously. That’s when Dave noticed the movie was off, the credits rolling, and how Karkat looked to be in the middle of getting up. He only tightened his grip, burying his face into the raven hair.

“Dave, I want to change the movie. I'll come back, I promise.” His voice held an uncharacteristic wobble to it, his hands busying themselves in the him of his hoodie. “That can wait” Was Dave's muffled reply, head dipping to rest his nose behind the other's ear, breath ghosting over the shell drawing a shiver out of the other.

It amazed Dave how predictable people became once you saw the same situation played out in several different ways. Over the however-long he'd been stuck in this weird loop (almost eight days now? Longer? He lost track) he'd tried saying something unexpected, or acting out of line just to see what reaction would happen.

But getting Karkat almost quivering in his arms, a blush turning his tan face a bright red just from a little cuddling was completely unexpected. He'd figure he'd be pushed away or brushed off, maybe begrudgingly allowed to use the smaller one as a teddy bear. But the smell of his hair beneath his nose, and the warmth practically rolling of the boy made him hesitate to let go. But he did loosen his grip after a few long moments, Karkat practically falling to the floor from where he was already prepared to stand before he accidentally woke up Dave a few minutes ago.

He chuckled to himself as Karkat made his way to the dvd player, noticing the wobble in his knees and the cherry color that had yet to leave his face and had spread to his neck and shoulders. He shifted so if Karkat didn't want to snuggle anymore there was a clear opportunity to lean into his side, and he seemed to contemplate that when he turned back around, standing a few feet away from him with a strained look on his face.

But he seemed to settle on a decision, grabbing the blanket from where it fell on the floor and settling himself back between the taller boys legs, leaning back against his chest. Dave only smiled, resting his chin on top of the mop of black and letting his eyes slip close. Karkat woke him up later, saying that it was bedtime and scurrying away without ever looking him in the eyes, the blush having faded into a light dusting of color on his cheeks.

Dave was looking forward to the next night, the nice restaurant and the evident confession that he already knew about. He dreamed of ravens and crabs, the color black and red dancing together flowing from a dance floor into the bottom of a drain.

End of Day Two. Again.

* * *

  
About halfway through their meals Karkat cleared his throat, that blush creeping across his face yet again. Dave set his silverware down and gave the boy his full attention, the other fidgeting under his gaze. “So, uh, Dave?”

“Hmm?” He hummed a reply, finishing the bite of food in his mouth as he waited for the other to gather himself. He felt almost robbed of this genuine experience, he was almost angry that he already knew what Karkat wanted to say. Almost. But the admiration he held of the boy across the table from him, button down wrinkled and hair wrestled with but still wild, was so strong he just couldn't bare to be upset at anything as the other worked up the courage to spill his heart.

“So, uh, we've been friends for a long time right?”

“Since fifth grade.” Dave easily shot back, watching Karkat slowly start to relax and somehow stiffen at the same time.

“Yeah, long time. It's amazing how we even became friends.” Dave had to laugh at this memory. Dave had just moved to town, wore those awful pointed shades and the same long sleeved shirt every day. John had somehow stuck to him, much to young Dave's dismay, and constantly talked him into doing these awful shenanigans with him.

They had climbed up into a tree, waiting for a 'friend of his' to come by so they could drop water balloons onto his head. This 'friend' had been Karkat on his walk home, who utterly despised John despite how the other adored him. Long story short, Dave fell out of the tree right in front of Karkat and broke his own arm. John still threw his balloons.

This time Karkat did relax, laughing along with him at the memory. “You were so fucking stupid to follow Egbert into that tree.”

“I still can't believe he splashed me after I broke my arm!”

“Are you really though? Think about it, this is John were talking about.” They both chuckled at this, Dave pulling the sleeve of his shirt up to show the indents on his elbows off too the other for the billionth time.

“Yeah, those pins were cool though, having metal rods in my arm to keep the bone in place.

Karkat grimaced at this, “Can we talk about something else?”

Dave saw the chance and jumped for it, casually rolling the sleeve back down and keeping his voice level. “So why are we here? This place is so nice, must be a special occasion.” he saw all the relief snap to taunt attention in Karkat's shoulders. His earlier nervousness returned, hands starting to worry the end of the table cloth again. Dave decided to see how far he could push the other's buttons.

“So, are you dating someone?” Karkat sputtered around the sip of water he'd taken to wet his dry mouth, eyes wide and shaking his head at the other as he coughed to clear his lungs of the liquid. Dave smiled and rested his chin on his hand, eyeing the other full of mischief. “So what is it? You're moving out? Dropping out of college?” By now Karkat had regained himself slightly, face red and tears at the corner of his eyes from coughing. But still, he shook his head, the blonde making a humming sound as he came up with more guesses.

“Am I close? Hot or cold?” Karkat smiled, leaning back in his chair and playing along, “Cold, so very very cold.” Dave hummed again, honestly finding it hard to think of other options of why Karkat invited him here other than to spend time together. “Well, it obviously involves me since we're the only two here. If you were planning to tell me you were seeing someone I would assume you would bring them along.” Karkat only nodded so he continued. “And at your over-dramatic reaction to that question I'd guess that you are thinking about seeing someone, maybe even crushing.”

To confirm this already known fact, Karkat reddened and nodded. Dave decided to do a sudden right turn and slam Karkat into the metaphorical window of this fake car their conversation was representing. “You and Jade would look cute together.” Of course as predicted the other fumed, embarrassed and tripping over his words as he told Dave that he was not interested and that they were just friends. That crush had ended in high-school. “What? I-no- Dave, you know that I- I'm not into her anymore.”

The blonde raised an eyebrow at his flustered , knowing it was only from how close he had gotten to the truth before promptly showing the conversation over a cliff. But still, it was cute to see the other boy all upset. “Then is it John? I thought you two had a thing junior year, was I right?” Again, Karkat reacted completely over the top. So much as to throw his hands up before bringing them to scrub over his face. He's reply was muffled behind his fingers, “Care to speak up?” Dave pointed out.

“Okay, so yes me and John almost- no don't you look at me like that I said almost, it was never an official thing like me and Jade were. Stop looking at me like that!” Karkat then covered his face with his hands again, groaning into his palms. The blush had returned full-force, now spreading down his neck. He said something, again muffled but just loud enough that he could understand it. “Why do I always crush on my best friends?”

Dave cleared his throat, making sure to keep his face impassive, and caught the other's attention again. “What was that? No under-the-breath comments at the nice fancy table. All secrets out in the open until I find out why we're here.”

Karkat looked like he was done with the night, ready to go back to the apartment and hide under his blankets for the rest of his life. But he still took a deep breath and repeated his statement louder. “I said, why do I always crush on my best friends?” Dave steamrolled through the implication, holding up his hand and lifting a finger at each person he named.  
“Well, we have Cyrus who you liked in middle school even though you also really hated him. Then Jade, now apparently John can be added to this long list.” He lowered his fingers and lifted his glass to his lips, “Kinda makes me glad we're best friends.” He took a sip and gauged the others reaction from over the lip. First he seemed embarrassed at all his childhood crushes being named off like it was nothing, then the realization of the others statement.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, head tilting to the side as he tried to find the right words. “I- what?” He finally managed to choke out, eyeing Dave with suspicion. The blonde only shrugged and took another bite of his food, he was hungry and Karkat was taking forever to just come out and admit that he wanted the blondes hot bod.

“Okay I'm tired of this.” Karkat finally sighed, watching Dave with a guarded look as if the other would laugh. “Dave, as much as I hate your guts and your awful personality and just you in general,” He took a deep breath to steady himself, “I really fucking like you. And yes, before you say it, in a 'touching tips' kinda way.”

Dave smiled at him, expecting nothing but that amount of crudeness in his confession. Karkat seemed to notice the lack of laughing, or anger, and beamed at the other as he noticed the warmth in his smile. “Well Karkat, I gotta say being overly domestic with you these last few years in a cramped college apartment has made me grow fond of your tip as well.” Karkat let out a surprised laugh, practically radiating happiness from across the table.

  
They called a cab on the way home, Dave acutely aware of what would happen if they walked.

End of Day three. Again

* * *

  
  
Dave awoke with a start, bolting upright in bed. He raised a hand to whip at his forehead, slick with sweat and making his skin feel clammy. He took a moment to take in everything, he was okay and the memory of the nightmare was fading fast. Only the smell of iron and death clung to the back of his throat.

Mumbling and a warm hand snaking around his hip alerted him that he wasn't alone, glancing down and lifting the white sheets off his bed to find Karkat, still asleep and nuzzling into his hip. He smiled faintly at this, remembering the night before and all their silly antics. He laid back down and allowed Karkat to wrap himself octopus style, one leg thrown over his waist and head on his chest, arms sprawled wherever they could reach.

 _This_. Dave could learn to love this. He just took some time to relax and enjoy the feeling of his best friend-no-boyfriends breath on his chest, the warmth his body produced in the nonexistence space between them. He was even sweating a lot, not that Dave minded, but he wondered how he was able to sleep like that. It almost made him forget about the dead ones. It almost made him forget the pain and the smell of blood, the fire of a gunshot or screeching car brakes, of his knuckles breaking over some stranger's face. Almost.

His eyes snapped open at the realization, this is the farthest he's made it. Karkat would die today. Then he hardened himself, shook away the thought. Not if he could help it, not while he was still breathing, he refused to let the other go today. He lay for a few more minutes, memorizing the moment as best he could before his alarm went off, stirring the now-grumpy Karkat.

Dave smiled at his pout, pulling himself into a sitting position and rubbing his half-lidded eyes with his sweater sleeve. God he was adorable. But Dave knew that it was an illusion, the kicked puppy he pulled as he woke up. Oh did he know, underneath that cute sleepy exterior was a storm brewing and the only thing to calm it was half a gallon of coffee.

Karkat pulled his sleeve back and yawned, stretching and popping his back. It if wasn't for the blood on his face it may have worked in distracting Dave for a little while, but Karkat's nose was bleeding profusely. “Holy shit babe, let me get you a tissue, your nose is a goddamn hose right now.” The raven haired boy's face grew confused as he drew up his hand, brushing the steady stream of blood dripping from his nose. He accepted the dishcloth Dave offered him and dabbed his face, waving the other off when he leaned in to inspect it.

“It's bleeding like it's broken...”

“It does this every morning, i'm fine.” He said dismissively. That kinda startled Dave, a frown pulling at his lips.

“You know, you should really see a doctor.” He was only waved away, the others writs popping in his face from where he sprained it when they were kids, the noise never leaving every time the joint popped.

So the blonde stood and went to the kitchen, ignoring the whine Karkat let out as he exited the room, the knowledge that it was morning and he indeed had classes all day was sinking into him slowly and Dave leaving only reinforced that idea.

So Dave was completely unimpressed when Karkat came in and demanded a kiss before his coffee, knowing the game he was playing. “We're not going back to bed, drink.” The blonde spoke softly and shoved the mug into his hands, kissing his forehead as he passed to get some pants on.

So they did what they normally did, got ready and head out. Halfway to the collage Karkat gripped his arm, a hand rubbing small circles into his chest. “Can, can we sit down?” He asked glancing away as if he was ashamed, the only hint that told Dave that this was genuine and not a ploy to not have to go to class. So he nodded and gripped the others elbow and lead him to a bench in front of a small coffee shop.

“Karkat, im being serious now. You bleed easily, you cough all the time, and now you can't even walk to school. I'm taking you to a doctor tomorrow.” He only received a glare in response, Karkat standing and wobbling for a terrifying moment, shaking off the others arm that had reached out to steady him, and trudged off. Leaving Dave to jog to catch up, frustrated but hellbent on getting this asshole to a doctor.

Other than that they had a pretty normal Thursday, the blonde relieved to have some new experiences and interesting conversations after hearing the same thing over and over for however long now. He was in an even better mood to come home to a kiss from his new boyfriend, dinner already in the making on their small kitchenette. “It sells amazing Karkat, whatcha' making?” He inquired, walking up behind him and leaning down so he could wrap his arms around his shorter waist, cooking away. “Your favorite, mac and cheese.” Dave hummed in agreement, he did love that mac.

“Will you take the trash out?” Karkat asked, motioning to the almost overflowing trashcan, three empty boxes of Craft resting gently atop it as if it could topple at any moment. “Yeah sure” Dave said, kissing the others head in departure as he started to gather the bag, things toppling over and out of it every time he thought he had it sealed.

He finally got it wrapped and turned to see Karkat lighting a few, holy shit that was a lot of candles. “Well, I knew you we're a romantic but fuck Karkat, first the mac and now this?” Karkat only smirked knowingly at him, setting down the few that were lit on the dining table, not even glancing at the other thousand scattered haphazardly throughout the house. How had he not noticed that when he walked in?

Before he could contemplate that much longer Karkat was shooing him out into the hallway with the large smelly trash in hand, and Dave just had to stand with his head leaning on the door for a few moments smiling to himself. He made it through the whole day, now all he had to do was take this trash out, eat dinner, and then his new boyfriend. It was almost like all the others were just dreams, so unreal and distant to the pure pleasure seeping into his veins.

He managed to get the trash bag into the dumpster and get back in one piece, but he knew something was off the second he stood in front of his door. They locked automatically for safety reasons, and they always had a key, even some extras stashed away in their bags for safe keeping. But Dave didn't think to bring one, Karkat was inside and waiting for him so he would come when the blonde knocked.

Except, Dave knocked and nothing. He was concerned, but kept telling himself not to panic, knocking a little louder and more deliberate. “Karkat?” He yelled through the door, ashamed at how broken his voice already was. Something was off in the air, he could feel it-no he could smell it. Smoke, what he was smelling was smoke. Oh fuck oh fuck _oh fuck oh **fuck**_ **,** he banged on the door again, now a frantic pounding. “Karkat! Fuck, Karkat this isn't funny, open the door!”

Except nothing happened, only the sickening smell grew and grew until he could see light, oh so light smoke trails from the crack in the door. Should he run for help? Should he try breaking down the door? He panicked and just stood there, taking in the situation that was his room was filled with lit candles and one clumsy fuck, the door locked and smoke coming from the crack. No. He was not going to let this happen, he would save him. He had done it so many times.

So he stepped back a few steps before throwing himself into the door, the bang loud but the frame not giving at all. He did it again and again until his shoulder hurt so bad he was sure he bruised the bone, leaning against the door to breath for a moment. It was already starting to get warm behind the door. He saw a few people standing at the end of the hall staring, phones out and to there ear probably calling 911.

He was just about to step back and try kicking the door down when he heard it, a wet cough then heaving from inside the room. “ _Karkat_!” The name ripped itself from his throat before he could even think about it, “Karkat, get out, come here follow my voice! The dorm is on fire, I need you to come to the door and get out, I can't get in! It's _locked_ Karkat!” He hear a low groan, cursing the door and it's lock. He could sense something was wrong, hear a small gasp before the most sickening sound of his life. Karkat screamed like he had been stabbed, no like he was burning to death.

It tore Dave from the inside out, tears filling his eyes and blurring his vision. “No!” He screamed and reared back, slamming his foot into the door. Fuck it hurt, but he did it again, trying to push the pained wails that filled his head away, trying to block out the sound of Karkat feeling his skin sear off of his cooked muscles. He tried again and again, hoping and praying that he could either get in on time or Karkat would fall asleep. “Please please _please_ ” He begged no one in particular, maybe god himself if he would care to hear.

He broke a few knuckles on his right hand after repeatedly punching on the door, knowing it was futile but unwilling to just stand and listen as his boyfriend died. Again. He knew it was too good to be true, this would never end. He heard the firemen before he saw them, storming down the hall. There were a few men in front, pushing people aside and letting the others with the equipment through. He remembered this distantly from the fire safety class they took in high school. Two teams, search and rescue and the actual fire fighters.

“Here! Please help, he's in there you have to get him out he's in pain!” Dave screamed at the men, tears flowing down his face as he angrily pointed at the door, frustrated that he couldn't do anything. The men only pushed him aside and started getting the door down, “Please, I'll do anything, just please _help him_ **_please_**!”

Everything was fine, they would get to Karkat in time. He was still alive, still wake and screaming in agony after a solid minute of being burned. He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched and unclenched his fist a few times, trying in ignore the crack of the door breaking letting the terrifying yells only grow in volume.

He was unaware of the paramedics that confronted him about not only his own injuries but who Karkat was and his information too. They had to literally drag him outside he was so unwilling of leaving Karkat, but they assured him that he would be fine. So he breathed, “His name is Karkat Smith, and I will do anything for you to save him. I will give you my skin, my calcium, my fucking heart, just please you have to help him! He's in so much pain!” Dave pleaded, the sound of the others strangled yells reverberating through his skull.

They assured him that they will do everything in their power to help Karkat, and told him to lay back so they could also help him. He tried to resist, insist that Karkat needed all the help he could get and that he himself was fine. But they forced him to lay back. “Everything would be fine” he spoke to himself, 'They will get him and it will be fine'.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, they fuel me! Tell me what i did wrong and what i can fix, or tell me what you liked! Please.


	5. Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy it's been too long. Its almost over!!

Mornings were never a fun thing to Karkat, always filled with stumbling around and grogginess. His impatient alarm wasn't helping his morning pre-coffee headache, slamming down on the button in frustration. When he finally managed to stumble into the main area of the small dorm he lived in, he was suddenly pulled into a crushing hug.   
  
His surprise and still half-awake state left him confused, his only mechanical reaction being to grip the other person back. He felt Dave hiccup, heard a shudder of breath, and pulled away just enough to look into the others captivating eyes that were filling with tears.   
  
“Dave, are you okay?” Karkat asked, knowing damn well he wasn't. A knot formed in his chest as he realized the severity of the situation. Dave didn't cry. End of story.   
  
“No.” Dave choked out between hiccups, “Just a nightmare,” He spoke quietly, removing himself from Karkat's arms and wiping his eyes.   
  
“Do you want to talk about it?” Karkat took hold of his hands and removed them from his face, searching it curiously.   
  
“I listened to you burn to death.” Dave blurted out, guard down in his emotionally vulnerable state. Karkat sucked in a breath at the words, chest clenching as he imagined having to go through that. Dave stayed distracted all day, feeling like time wasn’t real anymore. How many days has be been through? How long is this going to last?

He ate with his friends, halfheartedly saving Jades paper like so many times before. He made sure to text Karkat, letting him know that he wouldn’t be able to go out to eat.

TG: hey im not going out tonight  
TG: sorry  
CC: its cool i get it  
CC: im still going to pick up some burgers though  
TG: thats not a good idea  
CC: why?  
TG: its going to get robbed   
CC: lol okay mister school shooter ill see you when i get home  
TG: just dont stay out too long

When Karkat got home he was concerned, wanting to help his friend feel better but so unsure on how. So they sat in a comfortable silence, nothing but the sound of the quiet TV. Dave wasn’t the only one to notice the news of a robbery minutes after Karkat arrived home.  

End of Day One. Again.

* * *

 

Dave didn't even mind the stupid movies Karkat loved to watch anymore, just enjoying the closeness of the other being cuddled up under his arm and head resting on his chest. In-between movies Karkat stood to change disks, back to him as he fiddled with their crappy DVD layer. “How did you know?” He asked from where he was knelt before the TV.

“Know what?”

Karkat turned to look at the taller from over his shoulder, a knowing look on his face. “About the restaurant yesterday.” Dave knew exactly what he was talking about, and he knew the other knew, but he still avoided the question. “Care to explain a little further?”

Karkat stood, pressing play and mute so they could talk through the previews. “You didn't want to go eat. And then you told me not to stay out too late. How did you know?” Dave mentally scrambled for an explanation, only for the other to continue talking. “And me and Jade were talking and she mentioned you saving her Biology essay, like you knew exactly what would happen.”

“Remember yesterday morning when you asked me what's wrong?” Karkat nodded. “Do you really want to know?” He nodded again. “I think they’re dreams, but when it's Game Over I wake back up on Monday. I've relived so many days I’ve lost count.”

“What creates the 'Game Over'?” Karkat seemed skeptical, but Dave saw the gears moving in his mind.

Dave frowned and looked away, really not wanting to answer that. He only glanced up when the shorter boy sat next to him again, hand reaching out to grasp his own. “Your death.” He barely spoke at a whisper, not wanting to remember. He saw Karkat's face change, a flash of empathy before the confusion returned.

“So is this some kind of Groundhog Day type shit? Time Traveler’s wife? Any of those close?” Dave nodded and swallowed. “How did I die?” The question filled him with disrepair, really _really_ not wanting to reply.

“The first? Or which time?” He asked, sounding defeated. Karkat looked taken aback, not putting the pieces together that he had died multiple time. “All of them.” Dave sighed, intertwining their fingers together and using his free hand to run it through his hair.

“The first time was the the restaurant. You didn't have your wallet so he shot you. The second was a hit and run.” Karkat seemed surprised by this, clearly wanting Dave to explain that one. “We went to the park today and this dog kept following us around. It ran into the road and you tried to stop it but-” He cut himself off, the memory still fresh in his mind.

“This is so crazy.” Karkat admitted, putting his head into his free hand, resting his elbow on his knee. Dave only nodded.

“After that we got mugged and you, being a stubborn little shit, wouldn't give the guy your granddad's watch. He stabbed you.” The other boy frowned, knowing that sounded like something stupid he would have done. Dave heaved a sigh and removed his hand from the others vice grip, running his fingers through his blond hair again.

“The last one was you burning to death.” He shivered at the memory, the screams of pain still fresh in his mind.

End of Day Two. Again.

* * *

 

“I think something is wrong…” Karkat spoke quietly, making frost with his breath in the chilly Thursday night. This, of course, immediately sparked Dave’s worry. His brain raced with all the things that had already killed the other, let alone what could kill him.

“What do you mean?” Dave spoke in a worried voice, knowing that something had been up, but Karkat knew how to mask some of the symptoms. He thought about how he confessed earlier that week, how Karkat seemed to be so careful, asking Dave about every move. How _scared_ Karkat was.

“I’m just; I dunno I feel like-” He interrupted himself, holding his nose and standing quickly, diving for the cover of the public bathroom in the park where they were at; but Dave was right on his heels, unwilling to let the other out of his sight.

When Dave followed him into the bathroom he hesitated, stunned. Karkat was standing there, coughing into flimsy and useless paper towels. The only thing Dave could think was ‘you’re not supposed to cough up red mucus.’

The other boy gave a loud and wet sounding cough, and when Karkat looked up and saw the other, guilt and despair was clear on his face. Dave was filled with so emotions he couldn't cipher through them. So he did what he did best, shut down and deal with one thing at a time. “We’re getting you to a doctor. Now.”

He knew Karkat was terrified of doctors, knew that he didn't trust them. Maybe this was why, maybe he knew all this time. That thought made Dave angry, the idea that Karkat could have know the whole time and not said a word.

“When did this start?” Dave demanded with a strange feeling of discontent.

“When did what sta-”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. I know you get weak, I know about the frequent nose bleeds. Don’t lie to me!” Dave’s voice started out cold, but grew with unnameable emotions as he spoke until he was yelling. The outburst was so uncharacteristic for Dave that the other boy was taken aback.

“Just tell me.” His voice cracked.

“It’s been going on for a while, but it got worse a few weeks ago.” Karkat sounded unsure, unable to understand himself when the line drew between everyday things and major symptoms. Note to self: coughing up blood is bad.

Dave was upset. Weeks? How many weeks? Months? Years?

The drive to the hospital was tense and silent. Karkat too caught up in his guilt, Dave too angry to say anything. Karkat was attached to so many machines, the background noise of their beeps kept Dave up, even more than the dark thoughts plaguing his mind.

This was the farthest Dave had gotten, Karkat was supposed to die today. Had the cycle broken? What changed? The knowledge that Karkat was sick? What was that supposed to mean?

Would his fate, instead of watching Karkat die a thousand time, but to be with him as he dies one long and slow death? Was he supposed to spend eternity in this room, next to the love of his life as he slowly grew weaker and sicker?

He decided not to sleep, unsure of what the future might hold. So he watched over Karkat as long as he could. At least until visiting hours were over and he was forced to leave, the only news was a planned CAT-scan to look for potential cancer cells. Leukemia, they thought.

The absolute dread he felt walking out of the doors was crushing. A weight drug his feet, and a knot in his throat brought tears to his eyes. How was this possible? He’d gotten so far, played the game so well. Or he thought he did. Maybe he failed one too many times, maybe Karkat ran out of lives.

He hoped not.

End of Day Four.

* * *

 

Mornings were never a fun thing to Karkat, always filled with stumbling around and grogginess. His impatient alarm wasn't helping his morning pre-coffee headache, slamming down on the button in frustration. As he finally managed to stumble into the main area of the small dorm he lived in a strong hand on his arm startled him.

“I’m taking you to a doctor. Now.” Dave started to drag Karkat who was still groggy and confused.

“What are you doing, i'm not goin-”

“Yes, you are! I’m not letting this happen again, you're going to be okay.” Dave was practically frantic, pulling Karkat to the bedroom so he could get dressed and leave.

Karkat managed to snatch his arm away from the bruising hold, glaring at the other as they stood in the doorway. “What the hell is your problem?”

“Its Monday again!” Dave basically screamed in frustration, throwing his hands up in desperation. He forgot that the other had no clue what was going on, but Dave did and that was all that mattered at that moment.

“What the fuck?” Was all Karkat could think to ask, to say in this situation.

Dave sighed and took off his glasses, grabbing Karkat by the shoulders and making intense eye contact. “Please, for once just trust me,” he pleaded.

He saw Karkat swallow thickly, nodding his head and turning into his room to get dressed. Dave sighed with relief and ran a hand through his hair, glad he had some way of getting to Karkat. In the small moments they had together, as a couple, in these long never ending days, Dave recalled a small conversation where Karkat admitted to being weak to Dave’s eyes.

He smiled to himself.

But the memory of it vanished and Karkat emerged from his room, clothed in sweats and a comfortable hoodie. Dave nodded and took Karkat’s hand out of reflex, not realizing until he had to let go so he could fish his keys from his pockets. When he glanced up at the other, his head was bowed, chewing on his lip in confusion but face slightly red.

Oh. Right.

Dave sighed and unlocked the door, clambering in and starting it up. The drive was mostly silent, the soft noise of the radio in the background dampened the tension. He saw out of the corner of his eye, Karkat hesitated but ultimately made to grab Dave’s hand. “Is something wrong? What’s going on?” Karkat asked in a quiet voice.

Dave squeezed his hand, “You’re sick. And you know it. So I’m taking you to the doctor.” Dave spoke simply and short, not ready to argue with Karkat on if he was allowed to save his life or not. But the only reply he got was a soft “Okay.”

He guessed Karkat also didn’t feel like fighting. Or that he had finally given up. Maybe he felt bad enough, sick enough to cave and go. The reason didn’t matter at that moment, Dave was just thankful that he was being compliant.

He made no fuss as he got checked in. Just kept his head down, lip between his teeth in worry. Dave held his hand as they waited, knowing that the other was deathly afraid of doctors, trying to comfort him in any way. Dave could say he was.. Unsure. He had no idea what he was feeling, sitting in that stiff hospital chair. The lighting made everyone pale and sick looking, the smell of cleaning products was overpowering, and the warmth radiating off of the boy, tucked up underneath his arm, was the only comfort.

He felt a flash of anger rip through his veins. All of this effort, all of this misery. For what? For Karkat to have been sick the whole time? For him to die no matter what happens?

Even if an outside force didn’t hurt him, he’d die of the sickness festering inside of him.

End of Day One. Again.

* * *

 

Friday.

Waking up was dreaded now. Every time he opened his eyes all he saw was another day he’d seen before.

But he hadn’t seen today yet.

Karkat would die.

Dave became spacey, distant and cold. He always had a soft undertone of anger, lingering just beneath the meaning to his words. Liked he blamed Karkat for being sick, like Karkat could control the cancer.

He had cancer.

Emotions were irrational and illogical. Dave knew that this was out of his hands, out of anyone's hands by now. It had been too late. But his stupid heart told him to do something, told him he could do better. How? How could he change anything. It was predestined to happen, like a self-fulling prophecy of dead Karkat's death.  

The doctors didn’t visit often. Friends would come and go, crying and grieving with the knowledge that their friend was dying. Karkat once told him, years ago, that if anyone he hated showed up to his funeral and claimed to know or love him, that Dave should beat the shit out of them.

That’s how he felt watching all of the people who were ‘close’ to Karkat came to visit. He felt selfish, he felt irrational, he felt disgusted of himself for the way he felt. Karkat seemed to enjoy seeing people for the first day or so. After that he would ask Dave to tell them he was sleeping.

It was strange. Karkat, before his own eyes, grow content in death. Acceptance that Dave couldn’t find after watching so many. It felt like a sick game.

He hated himself for wondering what would happen after Karkat died. Would Dave wake again on Monday? Or be forced to see Saturday without his.. His best friend.

His boyfriend. The love of his life, the person who had managed to get under his skin and _stay_ there. The one who never left. The one who backed him through anything, who fought for him, who he loved. He **_loved_ ** him.

How else could Dave explain how he feels, staring at a pale ghost of the person Karkat once was. He wasn’t the same. Where was the fight? The determination? Karkat had given up. It was so unlike him.

He wasn't going to get better, was he?

He dozed, only dreaming of a solid note. Of screams and beeping, of life or death, of the time of night. He thought it was a dream. Flashes of nurses, commands of a doctor. It all swirled together, until he heard his name. “Dave Strider?”

“Yes?” He asked, standing and making his was over to the nurse. She seemed grim. This much be the hardest part of her job.

“I’m sorry. We did everything we could.” All he could do was nod his head, ignoring the rest of her spiel as he walked out of the doors.

He didn’t remember falling asleep again, curled up in Karkat’s bed, clutching his pillow to his chest like a lifeline. He did remember crying. He remembered ignoring calls and knocks on the door. He did remember how happy he had been with Karkat.

The few days they had together were magical. He was so giddy, head in the clouds and head over heels in love. He missed holding Karkat, he was so warm. He missed kissing him. He missed the banter, the humor, how _easy_ it was to be around him. It was like everything fell into place.

Now his heart felt like an empty shelf that was once filled with the most interesting books in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments??


	6. The End

Mornings were never a fun thing to Karkat, always filled with stumbling around and grogginess. His impatient alarm wasn't helping his morning pre-coffee headache, slamming down on the button in frustration. When he finally managed to stumble into the main area of the small dorm he lived in he was delighted by the sight of a fresh warm mug being held out to him. The smell was delightful, barely saying as much as a “thank you” or “good morning” to the pale hand he snatched it from.   
  
But Dave just stared. It was Monday again.  _ Again.  _

Okay. He could play the game. He knew what to do this time. He would win. 

They both went on and took showers and dressed for the day, not looking forward to their Monday morning classes. However they managed, walking out of the warm lobby and into the cool fall air. As soon as the rush of cold air hit him, Karkat hunched over in a coughing fit. Dave just stared. Face impassive behind his shades, he  _ knew  _ what that cough meant now. There were so many signs he brushed off, so many things he overlooked, when it was all right in front of him the whole time. 

Karkat seemed to notice something was off with Dave but he made no comment, instead they trudged on to class.   


His day goes as expected, as it always does  _ every _ Monday.

They both meet up for dinner, going to the small burger joint down the street they go to every Monday night. It was quite and peaceful, the booth was slightly too stiff, and the food a little too greasy, but it was habit. Dave made Karkat pay with his wallet. “You never did tell me about when John ruined Jade’s stupid essay,” Karkat spoke behind a mouthful of fries.   
  
“You heard about that?” Dave asked. 

“Yeah.. Hey, are you okay?” Karkat looked at him concerned, knowing something was up but not wanting to upset Dave further. 

  
“I bet she'll show up with her super-soaker tomorrow and destroy hi-” Dave spoke Karkat's words, taunting no one but himself,  but was cut off by the doorbell clanging violently.

Karkat jumped, the noise so sudden in the calm atmosphere of the almost empty restaurant startled him. Dave just knew. 

The person walking in was wearing a mask and holding a gun at the register. “Holy shit!” Karkat whispered, blood turning to ice and throwing Dave a a scared look.   
  
Dave swallowed,  _ knowing _ , watching as the robber was unsatisfied by the amount of money, turning on his heel to another small group of people in the tiny joint. He pointed his gun at them, yelling about wallets and cash. They all scrambled from their seats, pulling out phones, jewelry, and wallets to try and keep the man at bay. He seemed pleased,  but now he turned his attention to the last two: Dave and Karkat.

  
They both stood at his command, Dave grasping Karkat's hand as the other reached into his pocket and pulled out Dave’s wallet, tossing it to the masked man. “Well? Where's yours?” He demanded angrily at Dave. He only held up his hands, “I forgot mine at my dorm, He-” He motioned to Karkat, his face as stone as always compared to Karkat’s frightened look in the moment, “- spotted for me.” 

The man apparently wasn't satisfied with that answer, taking a step forward. “He's telling the truth, you have what you want, now fucking get out of here you low life thief.” Karkat practically spat at the man, furious, but also not wanting the man to not shoot.   
  
He only chuckled, a deep sound that rattled their bones, and pulled the trigger. Dave screamed, clutching his lower abdomen and falling to his knees, Karkat panicking and kneeling down beside his friend. 

“Oh fuck! Oh fuck fuck fuck, c'mon c'mon Dave, it's just a flesh wound.” Karkat pleaded, panic flooding him and kicking his instincts into overdrive. He struggled to think of what to do, frozen before his dying friend and unsure of how to help. ‘Stop the bleeding, right, okay breath you got this’ He thought to himself as he took off his jacket, bundling it up and pressing to where he thought the blood was coming from. There was a lot of it. 

“What's wrong with you? Someone call 911, please!” Karkat looked around, his hands getting too wet too fast, even when he was applying to apply pressure to the gun wound. No one reached for their pockets, the register worker frozen in place. The gunman was nowhere to be found. “Call 911!” He shouted again, the teller finally snapping out of his trance and reaching for the phone. Dave coughed, wet and painful sounding, his breathing was becoming rasps and there was so much blood on the floor and himself.   
  
“Dave, fuck, look at me, please, you're going to get through this don't worry. You'll be okay, okay?” Karkat pleaded, confused as the hurt boy picked up a bloody hand, reaching and pulling off the his own glasses. They dropped into the puddle growing around them, the sticky coppery fingers gripping his cheek desperately.   
  
Karkat had been crying for a while, fucking sue him his best friend was dying on the ground. But when he saw the tears on Dave's face, who never cries no matter what, ripped a sob from deep in his chest. He grasp the hand in his own, pressing it further into his face as confirmation that he was still alive, no matter how much his tears streaked the blood all over his face. “Dave! Fuck, I’m here, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. You'll be okay, I promise.” The only response was a wet sounding cough from the other, his entire body shaking and pushing out even more blood from the wound he was so desperately trying to keep closed.   
  
“Karkat..” Dave croaked, his fingers flexing against his cheek. “Shh, it's okay, it's fine.” Karkat tried to interject, but Dave spoke over him. “No, Karkat, listen.” He wheezes again, slow in and out, every second seeming like an hour to the boy. “I love you.” The words were a shock to the other, hurting his very core and speeding up the tears now blurring his vision. “Fuck!  _ Fuck! _ I love you too Dave, but you need to not be talking, okay? I love you too, god, I’ve loved you for so long. You'll be okay, don't worry.” Karkat could barely speak, his sobs racking his entire being and fear consuming him whole.   
  
The hand in his slowly relaxed, Dave’s breathing slowly regulated, until it stopped completely. Karkat gripped the hand with a renewed vigor, not caring that he was screaming at a dead corps to open its eyes in front of an entire group of people, rocking himself between his cries and screams. Not caring that it was a lost cause, that he was sitting in a literal pool of his best friends blood. He only cared about Dave, the boy he loved and never got a chance to tell, and getting the dead body beneath him to open it's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOOOOOOOOAH 
> 
> it's finally done! Yup! That's the end! 
> 
> Im so sorry
> 
> But really!! Comments mean a lot to me, tell me what you liked and what i could have done better.


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